Breathless

December 10, 2008 –

I woke up at 10 in the morning, felt the exhaustion from last night’s commotion and confrontation. I went outside my room, strolled directly at the living room and decided to eat at the kitchen. I walked with my head down, fighting the drowsiness that had made my eyes close every moment. I raised my head an instant, fixed my eyes at a straight angle and saw a breath taking figure in the floor. It was her lying on the floor of the kitchen. I was distressed seeing the unusual picture in my bare eyes but decided to remain calm. I moved closer as fast as I could and saw her black soft hair dumped in her face. I couldn’t see what she looks like. Her silver nails rested beautifully on the floor, caught my eyes with wonder. From her façade, you can notice directly that her strength had vanished away. I touched her face and move sideward, calling her name at the same time. “Good heavens, she’s breathing,” I thought. I called her name for the last time and she moved to respond. “She’s alright.” I murmured. I held her arms and helped her stand. Carried her to the living room, to the couch, I let her sleep. One thing is for sure, she’s drunk.

Hours of waiting had passed, nothing had been unusual except of course seeing her sleeping drunk. The moment she had gained her strength back, she transferred outside the living room and laid her back on the couch set therein. I moved closer and hoped for a conversation. My heart pumped hard as we talked. I was nearly breathless as she pours her reasons out. Her tears made me listen attentively and thought of ways to do. But I can’t think of any ways to subside her feelings because the reason for all of it was none other than me.

It was I who was the reason of her craziness. She skipped classes, drunk herself to unconsciousness, hoping that the hurt she felt will vanish after she’ll awake. I felt sorry for her and for myself. I have done nothing but to save myself from the hurt that she had been giving. I can’t bare her foolishness because she had been doing things for herself, forgetting me and how would I feel about. I was mulling over those things again and again, and now I have finally decided not to be with her any more. Those memories will leave as it was. It is her will to end this way anyway, if she doesn’t want to, she should’ve made everything right beforehand.

This is never easy to do. I have been with her for a year, used to do things with her and hang out. This would be better for the both of us. And as long as I can make my life blissful without her, I won’t wait. I won’t open my heart for another affair that’ll make my heart weary at the end. I had leaved her to make her life better but hang myself breathless in the open.